Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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