Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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