What a fucking waste of an outfit
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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