STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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