just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
