Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
