I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
