so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
