Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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