apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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