There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
