Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
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I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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