i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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