so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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