Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
