There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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