in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
