Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
