omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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