wrigley field is MILF paradise
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
