hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
