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Your mouth is God's brothel.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Come on in and take your pants off
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