Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
