I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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