and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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