Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This gyro tastes like lonliness
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
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