Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
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I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
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Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
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