Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
