Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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