I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
