He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
