We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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