my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
