i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
