I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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