jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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