which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
