Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Its about making memories worth repressing
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
