My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
