my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
