Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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