How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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