So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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