I hate all girls vehemently.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize