I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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