So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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