There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.