i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
