Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
