come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
