theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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