If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
