You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
