I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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