I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
