it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
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At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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