your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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