My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
