Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
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I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize