To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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