like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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