he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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