I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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