you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
