dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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