very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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