Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
