so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
