I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
