she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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