so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What a dumb baby whore.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
