I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
