Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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