smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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