2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
