I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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