You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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